Lasagne for the mathmatically minded


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This delicious meal will cook in just 17 minutes in your seven watt microwave! Cooking time can be easily calculated for other wattages if you have a masters degree in math

You know how you're sitting in math class, and you think "WHAT THE HELL?!? Why am I learning this shit? I'll never use this crap?"? You think that exactly too, complete with the exclamation point and question marks after the "hell". And unless you're a vegan who likes lasagne, you're absolutely right. You won't. Ever
I, however, was a vegan who wanted lasagne. So I got the microwavable lasange out of the freezer and thought "Mmmm..." (that's verbatim, by the way). So I look at the serving instructions, and it said "3. Medium power (50%) for 11 minutes." However at the bottom it said "Cooking instructions tested in a 700 watt microwave oven." I'm not sure how many watts ours is. But then I remembered this popcorn I was eating the other day had a similar instruction panel. I knew through trial and error that it took about 4 and a half minutes to pop the popcorn, so I dug the bag out of the garbage (don't look at me like that, it was towards the top. Not like I went swimming in the trash can or anything.), and checked the little guide. According to it, the microwave is about 500 watts. Since the given amount 11 minutes at half power, I calculated that at full power it would take about five and a half minutes on a 700 watt microwave. It seemed a lot more complicated at the time, because I (a) it was the weekend (b)I wasn't expecting to have to to advanced math just to put something in the microwave. However being the compulsive person I am, I organized the information into a chart:
CHART!!!!!!
watts
minutes
mine
500 watts
x
given
700 watts
5.5 minutes

Since the units in the watts column canel out, we can cross them out, leaving us with the following proportion:
500
x
700
5.5

700x=2750 minutes
x=3.9 minutes
At full power, that's approximately 8 minutes (just in case you're as incompetent as I am...most of the aforementioned math was done on calculater...but not all). So I go to put it in, when lo and behold THERE IS NO MEDIUM SETTING!!!!!!! I did one extra step for nothing! I couldn't help but feel feel dirty and cheated. But I put it behind me, and put it in the microwave for 8 minutes, no more, no less. I then set to work on the next portion of the instructions:
your ad here!
watts
minutes
mine
500 watts
x
given
700 watts
3 minutes

700x=1500 minutes
x=2.1 minutes
So I put it in for 4 minutes, 4 minutes which passed uneventfully. I took it out, and it tasted kinda gross. It was actually pretty good, but not good enough that it made all the math I had to do worthwhile.

It looks like menstral blood

hint: 50,000 divided by 75 is approx. 666.666666666666666666666666666667! Oh boy!