"This is beginning to feel like a class for the insane taught by a man with Tourettes"
-Caroline Koeppel

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  1. The following are actual excerpts from the religion class, Christology, I was forced to take my Junior year:
  2. "They're not contradicting themselves, they're just remembering it differently"
  3. "There are a minimum of two ways. And by that I mean at least two."
  4. Contributed by Kelly Pasta: Freshman year, my religion teacher was arguing with me that the stuff going on in Kosovo wasn't the US's problem. I found it ironic that behind his head was a sign that said, "[School name] Cares", that was intended to raise money for Kosovo
  5. Contributed by Kelly Pasta: sophomore year, my religion teacher informed me that the church doesn't hate gay people, it just hates what they do. I guess what they do that's so wrong is that they have premarital sex. i pointed out that these days no one is a virgin before marriage, but we love all them just the same. He said this was different. And although he didn't know why it was different, it just was.
    (this particular teacher is the same one KJ speaks of from her junior year. I truly believe he didn't go along with catholicism as much as he wanted to. he was a total communist in his philosophies, and as far as theology went, he just said he believed in things because that's what the big important Catholics said. poor, confused little man... schwarzey will miss him)
  6. Contributed by ana: my religeon teacher (also, sadly, F block) has problems with the vcr. she unplugs it, makes a big deal of rolling the wire up all nice an neat, then five minutes later is trying to turn it on to get the tape out, and complaining that it's broken and did any of us touch it cos it was working fine before!
    she sets the tv on channel 4 to show us a movie none of us care about, then proceeds to make a big deal about how u can't see anything. class tells her it has to be on channel 3, but she insists it's ch. 4. sends for guy-guy-in-charge-of-tv-type-stuff. he looks at it, and puts it on ch. 3. (as related from emily darko)
    (during her tree-killing journals): "don't think! just write!"
    ahhhh.... there was another one, just yesterday, in fact, but i forget. i have it written in my book, but to get it that would mean i'd have to actually bring that thing home. maybe..? no.
    i don't remeber if i jus sent it, so here goes again! yay!
  7. Contributed by Kristie: something completely different from the church thing happened to me, but it is still an example of a dumb teacher. i was sitting in my math class, and my teacher was rambling on about some math concept. all of a sudden, he paused and turned around and said "at least i'm not a lama!" and then he turns back around and continues teaching like nothing happened. i dunno, it was weird. he has issues.
  8. Contributed by Tara: My math teacher thinks he's funny, and it's sad. One day, he started telling us about how if someone calls us a zero, we can say "well, at least I'm not a negative!" and to be proud. oh no.
  9. Contributed by BREAKFAST STEVE: IN MY "A" BLOCK, MY RELIGION TEACHER WAS DISCUSSING "SINS". I ASKED ABOUT THE BAHA'I FAITH THAT INCLUDED AND ENFORCED ALL RELIGIONS. I WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A SIN TO WORSHIP IN THEIR TERMPLE (AS THOUGH I CARED). HE SAID IT WAS BECAUSE THERE WERE NO SET SETS OF BELIEFS. I TOLD HIM THAT THE BAHA'I BELIEVED THAT YOU SHOULD DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. HE SAID THAT WAS JUST ANOTHER WAY TO SAY "DO AS THOU WILL", OR "DO WHATEVER THE HELL YA WANNA". HE EXPLAINED THAT THESE WERE THE WORDS OF THE DEVIL AND SO THE RELIGION WAS NOT A RELIGION AT ALL. MY POINT:
    1. SATANISN IS A RELIGION
    2. DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT DOES NOT MEAN DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
    3. THOSE WERE NOT THE WORDS OF THE DEVIL, JESUS SAID THAT A SATANIC FIGURE HAD PREACHED IT
    AND, TO TOP IT ALL OFF, HE SAID THAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS JUST DO WHAT GOD TELLS YOU TO. SO I SAID, "AND THAT'S WHAT YOU FEEL IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?" HIS ONLY RESPONSE WAS, "OH, DAMN" (HE SAID DAMN UNDER HIS BREATH, BUT WE ALL HEARD IT......AND HE KNOWS WE DID) I DON'T THINK THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, NOR WOULD GOD LIKE IT.
  10. There's this one teacher who is perticularly not wonderful who I happened to have one year as an f block (first class of the day) teacher. Caroline and I were sitting behind her, and she was talking to some other teacher friend, and they were chatting away. Kept on talking. I was really tempted to tap her on the shoulder and say something like "Talking during mass is in appropriet" but I didn't. Anyway, later that SAME MASS she turns around and tells Caroline and I just that. A year or so later, she walked by the freshman at mass, telling them it was "Quiet time." Then later she yelled at me specifically because I was talking (and sitting with the freshmen). Then she sits down (with the seniors no less-not that she's a senior, or even teaches seniors) and starts correcting scantrons. Again, I was really tempted to tell "If you're going to police other people's behavior, you should at least set a good example for us to follow." but I didn't. I was lazy.
  11. Contributed by BREAKFAST STEVE: IN 1969, MY DAD HAD LONG HAIR. THE CLASS WAS DISCUSSING HAIR LENGTH AND THE TEACHER SAID, "NOT EVERYONE WHO HAS LONG HAIR GETS IN TROUBLE, BUT IT'S A FACT THAT EVERYONE WHO GETS IN TROUBLE HAS LONG HAIR." AS MY DAD ATTEMPTED TO ARGUE THIS, THE TEACHER SENT HIM TO THE DEANS OFFICE AND SAID, "MY POINT PROVEN!", VICTORIOUSLY.
  12. Contributed by an anonymous party (not just an anonymous person, a whole party): My "A" block teacher was telling us of the time when he was 17 and he crapped his pants after being asked to a dance. the wole class laughed at him and by the time he got us all to be quiet, he had forgotton the moral of the story. He was really pissed off for the rest of the period and gave a lot of people detentions, which he never ever does. He was SEVENTEEN!!!! Oh my GOD!!! Whatta dumb-fuck!!!
    It's nothing Brad Green hasn't done.
  13. Contributed by katana on caffine: guy in religeon: What is homeroom for today?
    evil teacher: Uh (she almost always starts an answer like this), Yes, you can't leave at the bell, you have to stay ten minutes after class.
     
    she sends the same guy to talk to [administrator] pretty much every day. usually for something stupid, like "showing disrespect by turning the pages of his book". seriously! that was actually a reason!!
  14. Contributed by skooter In eighth grade I had this teacher named [teacher] I sat in the same seat in har class for eight months straight and by the time the ninth month rolled around she still could remember my name. She called me Kim, Dawn,Dana(we didn't even have a Dana at my school, but never the less she called me Dana.)Everyone hated her cuz n e time she would even remember their name, she would mispronounce it, and when they corrected her she would say "Whatever". Then one day we had this big "event" and she had one of those head set microphones on and she started talking shit about this girl named Marilyn at our school WITHOUT KNOWING THAT THE DAMN THING WAS STILL ON. She decided to talk with all the classes about the shit that was going around and she said that what we were saying was stupid because there were SO MANY Marilyns at our school, which was all bull shit. We had one. The next day, me and four of my friends took her mug, stapler, and hole puncher and threw them in the street. And on the last day of school, we put laxatives in her coffie. She didn't like that :p
  15. Contributed by crispy critter on June 20, 2001 hm... we lost the best principal ever to our sister school, so as a replacement, we got- mrs. peacock! (her real name was [principal], but no one called her that unless it was to her face). She was a real bitch, she'd get mad over the smallest thing, and stupid too. her idea of punishment was sending you to work in the library (it was the same size as a regular class room. we were a small school). we had no librarian. so you'd have three or four, and on particularly naughty days, up to seven of the worst kids in the class in one small room, no supervision, and expect them to work quietly on a worksheet, then meditate on their behavior and ask god for help to change. then wonder why they messed w/ the school's ONE, get that, _one_computer (that theoretically was open to the students cept u had to ask, then get a password for the stupid thing). every so often she'd wear this yellow and black striped dress, that we called the bee dress. whenever she walked by, we'd all buzz at her, and she didn't get what we were doing. she had this eye, that when she got mad it'd twitch, thus earning her the ever-flattering name eyegore.
  16. Contributed by crispy critter on June 20, 2001 my eighth grade teacher taught me algebra 1. every once in a while he'd get this problem on the board w/ the intention of showing us how to do it, as an example, yes? except that he'd get two steps into it then say oh, wait, i don't remeber where to go from here... stand there playing w/ his goatee-it was an ugly goatee, too. he hadn't had it the year before. i think he grew specifically to scare us. (it worked). so after playing w/ his goatee for a bit, he'd tell us to go do our homework or something, while he worked it out. most of the time the bell would ring before he remembered how to finish it.
    so i graduate, yay! free from evil goatee man! hoorah! entrance exams- i hadn't learned algebra 1 well enough (big surprise). so i went to summer school to retake algebra 1 so i wouldn't have to over the year (cos i had the basic idea, i jus needed it to be driven in a little better...). so my bro goes to cuyamacha college to take algebra 2. Guess who's in his class? (not bob dole) GOATEE MAN!!!!!! and he's askin questions over the most basic ideas, too. go figure.
     
    we put laxatives in my third grade teacher's coffee. the kid didn't think to stir it though, so she was kinda tipped off by the white powder floating on top her foam.(she was into the "specialtly coffees" long before starbucks.) (random side note. this was the same teacher who was always complaining about her diet, how she hated it, then comfenscated twinkies to eat when she thought no one was looking)
    Oh, that's so sad. I feel bad for this person.
  17. Contributed by jean well my friend wore shorts to school one day and they were supposidly "too short" so the principal gave her a new pair and she actually cut her shorts into little pieces, and they were calvin cline.
     
    our principle always shook when he got really mad.it was insanely amusing.
  18. Contributed by breakfast steve i don't have a specific incident to talk about, but i have a teacher that was an over-all bad teacher. he was an ex-marine and we were his first class. our teacher that was before him got fired so the school was desperate to get a replacement fast. he had these stress balls that we could use whenever we felt pressured or stressed out. being fith graders, we immediatly abused this priveledge. whenever he would turn his back, the balls would instantly fly through the air across the classroom. and one day he made the biggest teacking mistake he would ever make... he said that if we ever needed a break from school, we were allowed to step outside for a while and come back when we were ready. after he said this, almost the whole class got up and left the room and ran towards the playground. and every 2 hours we had to do these stretches that looked EXTREMELY sexually suggestive. i'm not talking bending over.... i'm talkin' hip thrusts and ass shakes. he was fired a month after he started. i guess he wasn't as bad as it sounds. he was just a guy with a bunch of great ideas and a bunch immature stupid little kids to foil them. man we sucked. we had SIX, yes SIX teachers that year. they were either fired or just quit. the last one was really bad also. she had a 2 year contract and the pricipal came in the week before she got the and said (and i quote) "there's no way you guys are gonna get rid of this one. she has two year contract! so don't even try!" man, she almost quit. but she did not stay for 2 years. she left at the end of the year. i hated her from the moment i saw her. she never shaved(no offense to any webmasters that don't shave) and always wore sleevesless dresses. and she always was farting and she said it was ok to fart because it was "good natural gass". man i hated that! so we always tried our hardest to get her in trouble. we went on 2 feild trips and on both a group of guys and i got really lost. one was in the scripps laboratories and the other was in the !union tribune building. man, we got in a lot of trouble! but it was worth it because we got the scripps people to page the teacher. and at the union tribune building, we went into a restricted area! aw yeah!
  19. Contributed by Chris Hanley One day we where sitting in [teacher's] AP bio class and all of a sudden to get the class to pay attention he yells out "Today we will begin our studies of the human reproductive system...*nobody started to pay attention So all of a sudden he yells out*...or as you all probably call it PENISES...PENISES...PENISES...VAGINAS...VAGINAS...VAGINAS!" Of course fate would have it [principle] opens the door and walks in just as he begins to say the PENIS...VAGINA part!
  20. Contributed by Kristie I had this one crappy teacher who love my sister and hated me. For KJ's convenience this teacher is going to remain anonymous. Anyways, she was this tall, big, red puffy-haired, over-weight women with literally 1 inch thick glasses and an incredibly over-bearing voice because she used to be in the military or something of that nature...I think she was a commander. She was my math teacher for 6th and 7th grade. God was she STUPID>>>I'm getting pissed off thinking about it...sorry. Anyway, I remember the first day of class I asked her a simple math question, then she yelled at me and told me to stay after class, which she then proceeded to get up in my face and tell me to "lose that attitude!"...I was so close to being like "FUCK YOU!" I seriously almost said that...then I thought about what this woman could do to me, and being a measley 6th grader...I walked out about to explode...that was probably one of the most frustrating moments in my entire life...So back to tha t WITCH I already mentioned, everytime I asked her a question she would snap at me a tone that was like "how dare you don't know the answer!" One time I asked her to repeat an answer for me and she threw a book at me that hit me in the face....oh she's such a FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE HER!!! and I don't really like HATE many people...only her. OH, and her attitude sucked....telling me I needed an attitude change...she's the stupid fuck with the problem...oh but I'm not bitter or anything...
    I used to call her The Blob. And I found it amusing and satisfying when I read this book about these kids who had a teacher exactly of her description and guess what they called her...THE BLOB!
  21. Contributed by Tara Well, you see, my scary english teacher (whose eyes are too close together, mind you) was not there, as he was serving jury duty. So we had a sub. She wrote the homework on the board, but it didn't make an ounce of sense. Seriously, everyone spent forever trying to figure it out, and no one could. So we just decided there was nothing we could do. The next day, we come to class, and he says "Take out your homework" we said we didn't do it, as it made no sense. And then, he got crazy. He basically yelled at us and accused him of all conspiring against him so that we wouldn't have to do our homework. I told him he was being paranoid, and that we genuinely didn't understand. Shockingly enough, I didn't get in trouble. BUT STILL! he said we were all against him... fucker. his eyes are too close together.
  22. Contributed by Who no stories here, just a question/comment
    cause this has happened a few times, and not just with A teacher, but, rather, with a number of teachers, ... have you ever been in a class, half asleep with boredom, and the teacher's writing a problem on the board, figuring it out, (usually a math teacher) and so the problem is written correctly on the board and all, and anyone that knows their subject well enough wouldn't have a problem with answering it, and the teacher just looks stupidly into the book, and realizes it's not the teacher's edition, the book with the answers in it, and then they refuse to complete, they just kinda move on because they can't figure it out, and they actually say something like "Oh darn, it's not in this book" and I just think to myself, "WHAT THE HELL!!!, YOUR THE FUCKING TEACHER AND YOU DON'T KNOW IT WITH OUT THE BOOK!!!....AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LEARN FROM YOUR DUMB-ASS?", and all they could do is move on
  23. Contributed by breakfast steve my religion teacher just screams really loud when she talks. somebody needs to tell hey to shut up. man, what's wrong with her? i can't ... tell you ... her name ... though, but you might know who i'm talkin' about. hehe, i hope that works.
    I edited that because I'm a fascist and a coward. My apologies.
  24. Contributed by breakfast steve oh, i guess it didn't work. damn.
  25. Contributed by school Administrator god damn it.... all you litte sons of bitches who write in your little fucking communist remarks need to fuck off! Excuse my poor french, fuckers. We try hard as hell to get a ponit across to you little faget asses but you never listen. Go ahead publish this in your little book and let all my co-workers see it ......... see if i give a fucking shit ..... kelly pasta.. your a huge whore bag.... go suck some more administrator-cock .... then again i know your such a pussy ass bitch thats a fucking fascist that you wouldn't let the "freedom of speach prevail" and acutually post my god-damned opinion!
  26. Contributed by Amberw During the summer 'o' 2001 I took analytical trig at school. Well, this guy in my class asked the professor "why do we need to know this how the hell are we going to use this in the outside world?" ( basically what we were all thinking) anyway, the profesor answered, " I'll give you an example.... you know when you eat the most delicious food you have ever eaten- something you would eat at your last meal if you were going to die... why bother eating it when you are just going to fart the hell out of your self on the toliet later- once I almost shitted my colon out? do you understand now"- we were all to tramatized to respond
  27. Contributed by ummmm scared kj.... i'm so scared!
  28. Contributed by Larry I can't begin to explain the stupidity of my AP!! English Teacher. WEll, I ask her a question and of course she doesn't no the answer to it, but makes up some crap and tells me to look at so-and-so' paper. WEll, then I ask her to give me an example and this is what she does/says: "MMMMM and handmotions!!! I'm NOT JOKING! It's as if she can't talk but can only say m's. And then she says...Oh well i can't explain it very well.........what the hell!!! If she doesn't even know what she is talking about then how does she expect me to know how I am or was supposed to do whatever it is that she counted off on my paper!! Schools must be realy desperate for teachers these days or else half the ones I have had wouldn't be employed!
  29. Contributed by Tara. This fateful tale began way back at the beginning of the year...
     
    doo doo doo...
     
    I walked out of class. As I did so, my english teacher (whose eyes are STILL too close together!) grabs my arm and asks, "Are you alright, Brown?" I, terrified of the closeness of his eyes, hesitantly answer, "Yes." not long afterwards, we had to write poems in the style of a very cynical and death-obsessed author. So mine was about suicide. And then he started talking to me about how it was his "duty" to report that and shit. But I don't think he did, because nothing happened. THEN! I had to write a research paper, and my chosen topic was the death of Kurt Cobain, and whether or not it was a suicide. He took that as that I wanted to commit suicide. He proceeded to tell me that I have "so much to live for" and all this kinda stuff. It was comical.
     
    He's not a bad guy. He has good intentions. He's just a moron.
  30. Contirbuted by Who well, due to this certain teachers intense levels of stupidity, I'm sure this is not the first entry about him in here, anyway, the other day, we got to class, a room, described by another cool kid as being in " the ass end of the campus", anyway, so we get there, sit around doing nothing as we do every day for about 10 minutes, then finally he decides to pull his head out of his ass, telling us to pull out our books, so, surprised to even hear noise coming from his corner, everyone obeys, then, as the teacher goes to his little podium thing, he sees his book isn't there, so he goes back to his desk to get it, seeing that it isnt't there either, he starts to pannick, looking around frantically, then, as if we, the students would benefit in anyway, he begins to question us, and accusing us, individually, not as a group, so it is even more absurd, he accuses a few of us of taking his book, off in his corner again, I hear, from my corner, which are in fact opposite corners of the room, say " I can't do anything without that book" and I think... YOUR THE FUCKING TEACHER!!!! WHY DO YOU SOOOOO DESPERATLY NEED THAT BOOK,  a few students even offered their own, being the same book, no teachers edition in this class, and he says it's not the same, man that guy was being such a little bitch about it, it was so dumb, and it wasn't a math teacher as I had once written about, this guys so incredibly stupid, actaully, it's the same teacher tara wrote about in story #28
  31. Contributed by Erik I was doing animal calls in front of my teacher once, and he said. "Hey, wanna hear my dickhead call? Eeeerik, Eeeeerik... get to work, ass"
  32. Contirbuted by The Intimidator just thought I'd reminisce and tell you all bout my 8th grade algebra I teacher.  first of all, she was the dumbest math teacher I've ever had-there is absolutely no way any teacher in the world is dumber than her.  she couldn't read or talk worth a shit-it would take her half the class just to read 25 answers when we were checking our homework.
    then she'd spend about 10 minutes up at the board trying to give us examples of how to do stuff in the lesson.  she'd never would be able to.  now my mom was a high school math teacher of 20 years at the time.  yea she was pretty smart shit. anyways, my dumb teacher would take me off to the side at the end of class and ask me to take the lesson home and have my mom fill out a sheet explaining the lesson we learned that day.  I'm not kidding!!!! my mom did all the fucking work for that damn teacher! the only reason she even did was because she felt so sorry for the teacher cuz the lady had gone psycho after she got a divorce.  of course, the class did well because my dumb teacher would pass my mom's explaination around the class every day.  and guess wat the good old intimidator(me) got for doing that 4 her-a fuckin A+.
    society is sick-period.
  33. Contirbuted by Mike Williams. Listen to these sugguestions. Maybe you'll rant in the right direction.
     
    In his book, Bill Gates talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. You may want to share this list with some you know.
     
    RULE 1.................Life is not fair; get used to it.
     
    RULE 2.....................The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
     
    RULE 3..........................You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
     
    RULE 4..................................If you think your is teacher tough or dumb,wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
     
    RULE 5....................Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.
     
    RULE 6.............................If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault or your teachers' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
     
    RULE 7............................Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room.
     
    RULE 8....................Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
     
    RULE 9.....................Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
     
    RULE 10.....................Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
     
    RULE 11.....................Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
  34. Contirbuted by Vertigo Bluesummers. When I was in 6th grade, I had the worst set of afterschool teachers ever in my life. Now, I'm a very stubborn person when I'm being treated unfairly and/or know I'm right, and I'm also one to show anger instead of sorrow. One of these b*tches was so bad to me....
    At one point in the year, she called me obnoixious(several times), and at another point, she asked me if I was having problems at home. The worst part, though, was when she somehow managed to make me feel so angry, frustrated, and horrible that I burst out into tears. They told me I was overreacting.
    She still works as a sub. I ran into her yesterday while talking to a friend.
    Her: Hi! How are you!
    Me:...Fine...*continues talking to friend*
    Her: Well, I can see your social skills have gotten better!
    me: Well, I can see you're still into insuting students...

Has this happened to you?

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What happened?

Don't include any names of people or places. I'll get sued.

Thanks to Kelly Pasta for pointing out to me that I forgot to make a submit button. I intentionally omitted (as I always do) the reset button. Reset it yourself, you lazy slob.